Naoperahan Ako (I operated)

The Problem

OK so I was preferring to have no one know this but this story is pretty funny so I'll just tell you. 

Both the toenails on my big toes decided to go into all out rebellion and tried to dig for gold in their designated toes. it didn't start out that bad. What caused it is since it's the rainy season right now I've been wearing these airtight water proof rubber shoes and they are nice for keeping water out but they are pretty tight so it caused the little chitin monsters down stairs to go on strike. Which was just kinda painful. But then they went into all out rebellion when I decided to listen to their painful objections, and wore my normal shoes. My normal shoes do not have the helpful function of being water proof when the rains came down and the floods came up. So my feet got soaked and apparently toenails do not like being soaked in filthy poisonous Filipino rain water so they were completely irate and just made a massive mess of the mining sight they had erected on my poor big toes.

Nurse

So because of the pains of the concern of my companion when I would clean up the carnage caused by the rebellious toenails. I decided to text our mission nurse of the plight of my feet. Yeah well she said yeah come here to the mission office and I'll give em a look. Yeah when she saw them she was like "Yeah ok you will probably need surgery,so tommorow I need you to go to medical city (the nice not sketchy hospital here)." So ok cool but heres the thing she said like don't worry to much about the surgery. Its basically just clipping the toenails no biggy dont worry about it. So I wasn't very worried. Mistake!

Doctor

OK so i go to the doctor which just so confusing because aparently this guy is like the breast surgery expert too so like I walk up to his office and he just has this pictures of topless women on the outside of his office which as a normal person I'd be like "yeah... this cant be right"  But being a missionary I was like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THIS CAN NOT BE RIGHT" 

I couldn't run because of the ruin that I called my feet so I decided that maybe the secretary knew what she was talking about so yeah we go in and "Yep he is also in charge of toenails too. I guess weird combination?"

So yeah I take my shoes off and this dude is like "Which side hurts? This side?" and then he squeezes the life of the side of the toe that's got the sword of a toenail embedded in it. So yeah between the screams of agony and tears "I'm like yeah doc that'd be it! Not sure why you gotta touch when blood and gore are just gushing out of it?"and as he's washing the blood off his hands he's like "Yeah you are gonna need surgery. Report to the surgery suite at 5 pm"

"Aight "

Surgery

So yeah we report to the surgery suite which don't let the name fool you there is nothin' sweet about the surgery suite. So we get there report and then this nurse hands me the flowey hospital robes that are open in the back so I go into the changing room and come to the logical conclusion that I could wear my pants under this due to the fact that it didn't reach past my knees when I was standing so as I'm waiting the nurse is like "Sorry sir you cant wear anything other than the robe. Please remove your pants."  so I go back and upon seeing the lack of clothes I put the pants back on. I'm  like "Hey do you guys have any robes that are longer?" and they are like "Sorry sir that is the largest size we got." 

oh yeah I live in a country where the average male is 5'5" so yeah my 6'2" frame isn't gonna fit in their robes so I man up and put it on and go out in so little clothes that even the girls at my high school prom would be too embarrassed to go out wearing the clothes I was.

So I'm standing with my back to the wall because you know the robe is open in the back and the Filipinos already flip out about how white I am I'd rather not show how white that part of me is.

My comp is just laughin' at me and then the nurse calls "Robert!" which I'm used to being called Roberts so I thought it was me. So I'm like "Here!" and shes like "Oh you are here for a circumcision?"

"Oh no! You keep those scissors to my toenails, you maniacs!" 

So yeah it was a little kid named Robert. Anywho still waitin and then they call my name and this 25 year old pretty nurse comes out with a wheelchair and I'm like "Ahhhh heck no I'm getting my toenails clipped. I don't need a wheelchair!"

She's like "Please sit" and I'm like ok "Lang po maglalakad na lang ako(I'm good Imma just walk)"

She says "Oh meronong ka na magtagalog upo ka na (Oh you know how to speak Tagalog, sit)"

So yeah I sit and feel the wind letting me know that the robe opened up in the back and letting me know that the female nurse behind me got alittle more of me than she bargained for.  Well that's what she gets for making me sit  yeah so i go down the hall being pushed by a nurse like I'm 70, and the whole the surgery is just clippin' your nails was the biggest lie I've ever heard in my life but its fine now thanks for reading love you guys!